Marge and Ralph, a Catholic married couple, called my office late one Friday afternoon. “There is going to be a crucial meeting tonight in our parish to discuss ‘the inactive Catholic problem’!” Ralph exclaimed.

Marge continued, “Numbers at Sunday Mass and parish activities are steadily declining. Financial support is in a downward spiral. We want to do a survey of missing Catholics. What are the best questions to ask back-sliding, lapsed, fallen-away and apathetic Catholics so that we can get them back?”

I congratulated them for their willingness to reach out to our inactive brothers and sisters. Yet, their words and tone in describing inactive Catholics made me pause.

My next suggestion shook them up a bit, “Maybe the first questions to consider are not ones we would ask inactive Catholics. Perhaps we might start by asking ourselves, ‘How do we feel about inactive Catholics? What are our assumptions about them?’”

We all would like to have an “EASY” button we can push to bring back everyone who has left or drifted away from our parishes over the past 45 years. However, if we see inactive Catholics as “THE PROBLEM” — the reason why many of our parish communities are struggling, stagnant or dwindling — the welcome light we put out will be pretty dim.

Nick Wagner, editor of Today’s Parish magazine, writes, “I think we all agree that we should be welcoming toward inactive Catholics and be reaching out to them. Sometimes, however, we have a giant ‘IF’ behind our welcome. We will welcome them if they meet certain criteria.”

Melanie Rigney and Anna M. Lanave have written a questionnaire that can help us unearth some of our attitudes and assumptions. This survey and many helpful insights are in their book, “When They Come Home: Ways to welcome returning Catholics” (Twenty-Third Publications, 2009).

What are my attitudes toward inactive Catholics? Circle “True” or “False” after each of the 10 statements below. (Click here for a printable version of the survey)

People who don’t go to Mass are jeopardizing their salvation …True/ False

Most inactive Catholics are angry with the Church … True/False

If you disagree with the Church, you shouldn’t call yourself a Catholic … True/False You can be a good Catholic and not go to Mass … True/False

If you are divorced, you shouldn’t go to Communion ... True/False

We should invite all Catholics to come back to Mass, but only if they go to Confession first … True/False

There are liberal Catholics and conservative Catholics. All should be welcome … True/False

If a Catholic feels more comfortable in a Protestant church, he or she should go there ... True/False

We should not baptize a child of parents who don’t intend to practice the faith ... True/False 

Once a Catholic, always a Catholic ... True/False

Gather a few Catholic friends at home, in the neighborhood, at work, or in your parish. Let them each fill out this questionnaire. Then talk about your answers for 15-20 minutes. Where do you agree or disagree?

Then pause in silence to think for a minute about how you would complete the sentence below. Then go around the group, each person briefly speaking one last time. “By doing this exercise I have realized that my own attitudes and assumptions about inactive Catholics are…”

Inactive Catholics are the majority of Catholics in the United States. On the average Sunday only 23 percent of Catholics come to Mass. If we hope to reach out to them, inviting them to become active, what kinds of attitudes do we need to foster among us?

John Boucher is the director of the diocesan Office of Evangelization and Parish Development.

Some material reprinted with permission from “When They Come Home: Ways to Welcome Returning Catholics” and http://blog.todaysparish.com/2009/12/poll-inactive-catholics/  published by Twenty-Third Publications. For information call 800-321-0411 or visit www.23rdpublications.com.