By Effie Caldarola | Catholic News Service

Have you ever sat down for coffee with a good friend and found yourself sharing a problem with her? This friend is a good listener and suddenly you find her showing you your own problem, perhaps in your own words, but in a new light.

She's not telling you what to do. But she's looked at the prism of your life from a different angle than you have, and she turns it gently toward you so that you see the light from that side, too.

In a very real sense, that is what spiritual direction can be.

Spiritual direction is an ancient practice, but for years it was mainly used by priests and religious. After the Second Vatican Council, the laity became more aware that God was calling them to a deep and active life of faith and prayer. So it became important that they find help and guidance in listening to how God was speaking in their lives.

It's important to know what spiritual direction is not. A spiritual director is not a psychologist or a therapist, although you might find a few who are also trained in those practices. And, although this is a little contradictory, a good spiritual director not does actually "direct" you, in the sense that they tell you what you must do.

Rather, by conversation and questioning, a good spiritual director may help you make your own decisions and discernments. For this reason, many directors prefer the title "spiritual companion."

Some people believe they aren't prayerful enough or far enough along in spiritual practices to seek spiritual direction. No one should feel this way. If you are reading this article or thinking about spiritual direction, you are obviously a person who wants a relationship with God.

If you are beginning to realize that the Jesuit maxim of "finding God in all things" is what you want for your life, but life is messy and sometimes unclear and you'd like some help, you're ready to seek spiritual direction.

So what should you expect from direction? You may meet for about an hour, perhaps every four to six weeks. You will meet in a quiet, prayerful environment and your session will begin with quieting and prayer.

Then, you can expect your director, at your first meeting, to ask you what's going on in your life, how you pray, where you find God -- or where you feel God's absence. Although you want to be honest with your director, direction is not confession.

A good spiritual director is an active listener. You do most of the talking; the spiritual director listens closely and asks insightful questions. It becomes a sacred conversation about your whole life -- you begin to see God in decisions both great and small.

Where to send your child to school? How to resist returning rudeness at the grocery store and react with kindness? The struggle you're having with weight and cholesterol and those doughnuts you can't resist.

As you grow in a deepening friendship with God, you know God cares about all aspects of your life, and your director is ready to talk to you about them.

Good directors talk about themselves very little and don't compare you to others or their experiences. Good directors employ complete confidentiality and discretion. They may make suggestions for you about prayer or about a helpful book.

Sometimes, they may call your bluff if they sense you're being dishonest with yourself. Eventually, you will feel you're in conversation with a good friend, and you leave feeling you've glimpsed the other side of that prism.

How do you find a spiritual director? It's best to find someone who has trained for spiritual direction. It may surprise you to know that not all priests and religious have been trained in this practice. Some of them, like your friend over coffee, may have a natural gift for listening and engaging in spiritual conversation, but for the most part it's good to find a trained director.

Ask your pastor if he can recommend a director or call the pastoral center or chancery of your diocese for a list. Many Catholic universities offer courses in spiritual direction, and you might contact a theology department or the campus ministry office in your area.

Or ask any religious sister you know, as most religious communities have many trained directors in their ranks and sisters all have experience with directors themselves.

You might wish to inquire about fees or donations up front.

Don't worry that if you find someone isn't a good fit, you're stuck. Any director worth their salt will offer to spend a couple of sessions getting acquainted and will understand if you choose to keep looking.

Why is spiritual direction a good thing? Often we become bound up in false preconceptions about our lives. We navel-gaze and don't see the big picture.

We can't stand back and see the God who is right in our midst. We procrastinate about moving ahead with our spiritual lives and forget how fleeting life is.

A spiritual director helps us see and listen and move forward. That's a good thing.

Caldarola is a freelance writer and a columnist for Catholic News Service.

Spiritual direction for today and tomorrow

By Maureen Pratt | Catholic News Service

Spiritual direction is not only for those seeking to discern a vocation to the priesthood or vowed religious life. Often, a life crisis or deep desire to better clarify someone's relationship with God can be the catalyst to seek a spiritual director.

Father Bill Murphy, director of spiritual formation at Pope St. John XXIII National Seminary in Weston, Massachusetts, says, "The benefit of spiritual direction for someone who engages it is that there's a relationship with someone that's ongoing and who can help the directee connect the dots in his or her life regarding the movement of the Spirit in his or her own life."

"It helps give the directee resources to identify what God is calling him or her to," he says, "what place of growth. Also, where to resist and how to resist temptation. It's a movement away from sin toward grace that we're all called to make, and in one way or another, we all need help with that."

There is no general certifying organization for the ministry. However several resources can assist someone seeking a qualified spiritual director.

Priests, religious and laypeople formally trained in spiritual direction can be found through the many retreat centers, schools of theology and other religiously focused institutions, as well as through local parishes, diocesan offices and via Spiritual Directors International (www.sdiworld.org).

Spiritual direction is a long-term relationship. Becky Van Ness, director of the graduate certificate in spiritual direction program at St. John's School of Theology and Seminary in Collegeville, Minnesota, suggests interviewing prospective spiritual directors before working with one.

"Ask about their training," says Van Ness. "and whether they are in spiritual direction themselves and in supervision. Life experience, practical wisdom, make a difference, too."

"Have a conversation to see if you want to have another conversation," says Father Murphy. "A good director has a willingness to listen more than speak, to ask questions about what the person has said and prompt and invite the person to go deeper, to articulate more about what they're revealing.

Spiritual direction can take place in person, over the telephone or even via web-based conferencing programs. First, the director and directee will discuss and agree to expectations, fees and other issues, such as confidentiality and responsibilities.

"The ethics are the same as if you were working with a therapist," says Sue Ballotti, a married, Roman Catholic spiritual director in Southern California. "But spiritual direction is not therapy. In therapy, we say, 'Something is wrong and we have to fix it.' In spiritual direction, it's, 'Something is wrong or going wrong -- Where in God in this?'"

Ballotti accompanies a variety of people in spiritual direction, and they come to her for many different reasons.

"The loss of a job, death of a spouse," says Ballotti. "One person lost her job, house and health. Some people come in kind of beat up by life."

Ballotti's life experience and training help her with each individual directee.

"Before I earned my certificate in spiritual direction from the three-year training program at Mount Saint Mary's in Los Angeles, I used to be a sales rep for a Catholic publisher," says Ballotti.

"I got used to going into unfamiliar territory, learning my way around. There was a kind of expectation, 'Every day is a gift. What's today going to bring?' Now, when someone comes to me, I'm never sure what they want. I'll have that same sense of anticipation."

The spiritual director does not hand the directee answers, but rather accompanies him or her in the journey through the questions.

"People have to be willing to go to the painful places and be really honest with themselves," Ballotti says. "A good spiritual director is someone who walks in the dark with you and holds the light. When people sit and spend time with what's going on, they have the answers themselves. It's really a grace to be able to witness that."

Pratt is a columnist for Catholic News Service. Her website is www.maureenpratt.com.

How can Catholics use Scripture in spiritual direction?

By Mike Nelson | Catholic News Service

What is the Bible, if not about spiritual direction? Open up to a page, any page, and you are bound to find something that offers insight and guidance of one form or another.

Of course, with 73 books (46 Old Testament, 27 New) from which to choose, plus any number of commentaries, interpretations and analyses for each, Scripture can, for some, seem rather intimidating.

In an essay entitled "Using Scripture in Prayer and Spiritual Direction," Sulpician Father Richard Gula, author ("The Call to Holiness") and moral theologian, suggests that while the Bible's text and interpretations can be overwhelming, that "should not frighten us away from praying with Scripture, nor smother imaginative application to our lives."

Spiritual direction, says Father Gula, offers believers an opportunity "to become more consciously aware of the presence of God in their life, more deeply in love with God, and more alive in the Spirit of God." Scripture, as a place of encounter with God, "can serve as a special resource for spiritual direction."

But effective spiritual direction begins with prayer -- more specifically, Father Gula suggests, "contemplative-like" prayer that "listens, pays attention and opens our hearts to the deeper dimensions of our experiences where we meet God."

And, he adds, because Scripture expresses the word of a living God seeking to engage in dialogue with us, "we need to approach the Bible in prayer as a word addressed to us personally calling for a response. 'What do I hear the Lord saying to me?' is the fundamental question we bring to Scripture when we pray."

Thus, it is important to pay attention not simply to the words of Scripture but to the mood and feelings of those we read about; to how we feel ourselves as we read ("Where am I in this story?"); to ask, "How does the Lord seem to me in this text?"; and to how we respond to God ("Lord, what I hear you saying to me is …").

In the process, a healthy balance of "left brain" (imagination and intuition) and "right brain" (logic and analysis) thinking is necessary.

To that end, both spiritual director and directee, though likely not certified in biblical scholarship, should be "biblically informed" and aware of ongoing critical examination of scriptural texts. Both should also have an honest understanding of what the directee is seeking through this exercise.

If that search, ultimately, is for a closer relationship with God, it is unlikely that any sincere (read: prayerful and prayer-filled) effort at reading Scripture will be for naught. How, after all, can time spent with the spiritual director of all spiritual directors be anything but productive?

"Call to me," says the Lord, "and I will answer you; I will tell you great things beyond the reach of your knowledge" (Jer 33:3).

Catholic journalist Mike Nelson writes from Southern California.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Catholic laity must consider spiritual direction if they are to follow the Second Vatican Council's teaching on the universal call to holiness, writes Russell Shaw in an article for The Catholic Thing.

Fifty years after the council taught that all Christians "in any state or walk of life are called to the fullness of Christian life and to the perfection of love" -- holiness -- says Shaw, "only a handful of laywomen and men make use of this standard tool of the interior life, spiritual direction."

It is the key to discovering and living one's vocation. St. John Paul II indicated this, says Shaw, when the pope wrote in the apostolic exhortation "Christifideles Laici," that the laity need "recourse to a wise and loving spiritual guide," a spiritual director.

"Failure to grasp that laypeople have vocations," says Shaw, "is part of the legacy of clericalism. It is high time and then some that all of us got over it."

Spiritual direction, helps "us hear clearly and respond faithfully to this day-in day-out summons to the following of Christ" and supports the ongoing discernment of one's vocation, which continually unfolds throughout life, writes Shaw.

"Speaking about spiritual direction, providing realistic ways of receiving it and pointing to its benefits could produce surprisingly positive results over time. It's worth a try."