Our presence is a welcomed gift for grandparents and the elderly
July 22, 2025 at 11:28 a.m.
Several years ago, in light of the second annual World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly, established by Pope Francis in 2021 and observed on the third Sunday of July, I was asked to write an article on the unique experience of senior grief. I interviewed a psychologist and family counselor who serves in a grief support program, and a number of parish bereavement and consolation coordinators.
Across the board, they identified loneliness as the most prevalent problem for the elderly and, interestingly, not only following the loss of a loved one. Older family members, neighbors or friends are often hampered in their ability to get from place to place. Many no longer drive, and those who do are often much more fearful of driving than when they were younger.
In my family, I have one aunt left, my mother’s sister. She has lost all four of her siblings, her husband, a late-in-life male companion, most of the extended family of her generation, and a daughter – one of her five children. We recently lost my cousin, her niece, and my aunt was inconsolable at the wake. “I’m so tired of burying my family,” she cried. “I’ve lost so many, and I miss them so much.”
As their spouses, friends and children die, the elderly are left more and more alone and often cut off socially, unable to visit friends, join others for shopping or make it to Mass or parish programs. They become all the more aware of their own mortality. It can be frightening.
The psychologist shared what she considered to be the most important gift we can give our seniors – to “provide support in the form of a listening ear and offer of ongoing social connection. Like anyone grieving, the elderly want to feel seen and heard.”
Bereavement ministries also mentioned the problem for many seniors of not being tech savvy. It often prevents them from staying on top of important responsibilities and programs, like banking, Social Security, Medicare, health insurance, or simply having the opportunity to connect with grandchildren in a way grandchildren respond to – like texting.
It is never too late to consider sharing our time and talent with the elders of our communities. Take a senior to lunch, provide that listening ear, or teach them to text or become familiar with a computer. Or, as I have learned from first-hand experience, let the kids do the tech teaching!
It doesn’t take much to help older members of our families, parishes or neighborhoods realize they are seen and heard and loved. A cup of tea, help around the house, a heat-and-eat meal or two, a box of their favorite treats, and an opportunity to share them with us.
It’s also a commandment to “honor your mother and father,” which would necessarily include grandparents and, hopefully, those of advancing years.
Pope Francis asked us to “Please, cherish the elderly!” It’s a beautiful lesson for us and our children.
This year, the Fifth World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly will be celebrated Sunday July 27, and has the theme, “Blessed are those who have not lost hope.” We can be part of the reason hope is still theirs:
Call them. A phone call is much more personal than a text and preferred by most seniors. For those who live alone, hearing another’s voice at the end of the line is a gift and helps them feel more at ease knowing someone is checking in with them. “I’ve fallen and can’t get up!” is not just a commercial.
Write them. There is something very special about receiving a letter in the mail. Seniors who are still capable are often happy to write back and share their stories. When a line of communication begins, it gives seniors something to look forward to and is often a bright spot in their day. Senior residential centers often have pen pal programs in place.
Be present. The value of being present to our elders is not in an elaborate plan but in the simple day-to-day activities they may be missing now because they are alone, or their physical or mental state has changed. At the heart of it all is a desire for company and the knowledge that someone cares about them.
Buy them a diary and encourage them to fill it. There is no greater gift than the memories, the stories and the wisdom of our elders. Give them the gift of sharing their treasures with those who will hold them close to their hearts.
Mary Morrell is editor-in-chief of The Catholic Spirit, the Metuchen Diocesan newspaper.
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Several years ago, in light of the second annual World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly, established by Pope Francis in 2021 and observed on the third Sunday of July, I was asked to write an article on the unique experience of senior grief. I interviewed a psychologist and family counselor who serves in a grief support program, and a number of parish bereavement and consolation coordinators.
Across the board, they identified loneliness as the most prevalent problem for the elderly and, interestingly, not only following the loss of a loved one. Older family members, neighbors or friends are often hampered in their ability to get from place to place. Many no longer drive, and those who do are often much more fearful of driving than when they were younger.
In my family, I have one aunt left, my mother’s sister. She has lost all four of her siblings, her husband, a late-in-life male companion, most of the extended family of her generation, and a daughter – one of her five children. We recently lost my cousin, her niece, and my aunt was inconsolable at the wake. “I’m so tired of burying my family,” she cried. “I’ve lost so many, and I miss them so much.”
As their spouses, friends and children die, the elderly are left more and more alone and often cut off socially, unable to visit friends, join others for shopping or make it to Mass or parish programs. They become all the more aware of their own mortality. It can be frightening.
The psychologist shared what she considered to be the most important gift we can give our seniors – to “provide support in the form of a listening ear and offer of ongoing social connection. Like anyone grieving, the elderly want to feel seen and heard.”
Bereavement ministries also mentioned the problem for many seniors of not being tech savvy. It often prevents them from staying on top of important responsibilities and programs, like banking, Social Security, Medicare, health insurance, or simply having the opportunity to connect with grandchildren in a way grandchildren respond to – like texting.
It is never too late to consider sharing our time and talent with the elders of our communities. Take a senior to lunch, provide that listening ear, or teach them to text or become familiar with a computer. Or, as I have learned from first-hand experience, let the kids do the tech teaching!
It doesn’t take much to help older members of our families, parishes or neighborhoods realize they are seen and heard and loved. A cup of tea, help around the house, a heat-and-eat meal or two, a box of their favorite treats, and an opportunity to share them with us.
It’s also a commandment to “honor your mother and father,” which would necessarily include grandparents and, hopefully, those of advancing years.
Pope Francis asked us to “Please, cherish the elderly!” It’s a beautiful lesson for us and our children.
This year, the Fifth World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly will be celebrated Sunday July 27, and has the theme, “Blessed are those who have not lost hope.” We can be part of the reason hope is still theirs:
Call them. A phone call is much more personal than a text and preferred by most seniors. For those who live alone, hearing another’s voice at the end of the line is a gift and helps them feel more at ease knowing someone is checking in with them. “I’ve fallen and can’t get up!” is not just a commercial.
Write them. There is something very special about receiving a letter in the mail. Seniors who are still capable are often happy to write back and share their stories. When a line of communication begins, it gives seniors something to look forward to and is often a bright spot in their day. Senior residential centers often have pen pal programs in place.
Be present. The value of being present to our elders is not in an elaborate plan but in the simple day-to-day activities they may be missing now because they are alone, or their physical or mental state has changed. At the heart of it all is a desire for company and the knowledge that someone cares about them.
Buy them a diary and encourage them to fill it. There is no greater gift than the memories, the stories and the wisdom of our elders. Give them the gift of sharing their treasures with those who will hold them close to their hearts.
Mary Morrell is editor-in-chief of The Catholic Spirit, the Metuchen Diocesan newspaper.