By David Karas  and Mary Morrell | Correspondents

The pews of Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church, Asbury Park, were filled the evening of June 17 with members of a shaken and grieving community turning to God after the murder of one of their own.

The families of Mother of Mercy Parish and Our Lady of Mount Carmel School came together to support one another and pray for all those affected by the death of long-time catechist and parish religious education coordinator Tamara Seidle, who was killed in front of her 7-year-old daughter by her ex-husband, a Neptune police sergeant, on the morning of June 16.

Seidle, the mother of nine children ranging in age from 7 to 24, had long and deep roots in the Asbury Park Catholic community, growing up in Our Lady of Mount Carmel Parish and serving in various roles in Our Lady of Providence Parish, Neptune, and St. Peter Claver Parish, Asbury Park, (all now part of Mother of Mercy Parish). 

The deeply emotional prayer service in memory of Seidle was led by Divine Word Missionary Father Miguel Virella, pastor. The pain of the parish community was palpable as participants openly wept, wrapped arms of support around friends and family members, lit candles under statues of Mary and the saints, and simply nodded to one another, at a loss for words, disbelieving what had happened. The congregation prayed for the intention of her children and family and for an end to domestic violence.

In a statement released the day after the killing, Bishop David M. O’Connell, C.M., said, “Our minds cannot fathom the horror that transpired when Tamara Seidle was shot and killed in front of her own 7-year-old daughter. The broken hearts of all those who knew her and worked with her, both in the parish and across the Diocese, are struggling with unimaginable and inconsolable grief at her loss. As Bishop of the Diocese of Trenton, I join the parish, as well as Tamara’s friends and family, in prayer for her and her nine children at this difficult time. May the Lord Jesus welcome her into his heavenly kingdom.”

On behalf of his parish community and staff, Father Virella issued the following statement: “From her days growing up in Our Lady of Mount Carmel Parish and her volunteer service in Our Lady of Providence Parish, to her more recent role as a leader in our unified parish family, Tamara has dedicated her life to serving God and teaching children about his love for them,” he said. “Her faithful spirit has been a light to us all as we, coming from different places, have grown into what is now Mother of Mercy Parish.”

“Our thoughts and prayers are very much with Tamara’s nine children, who have suffered such a devastating loss,” the statement read.  “We ask God to give them strength as they mourn her death and begin to heal. We call upon everyone in this community to hold them in prayer, and to be present to them in their times of need throughout the days and months to come.”

‘Senseless and Tragic Violence’

In comments to members of the news media, Monmouth County First Assistant Prosecutor Marc LeMieux alleged that off-duty police Sgt. Philip Seidle used his service handgun to shoot Tamara, his 51-year-old ex-wife, in an argument over child custody issues. Before the shooting, Philip Seidel chased Tamara in her vehicle through the community. He shot her once through the driver’s side door and again as he walked to the front of her car and fired through the windshield, LeMieux reported.

The shooting took place less than a mile from Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church, where Tamara received her First Holy Communion. The incident occurred, LeMieux told the media, as the Seidles’ 7-year-old daughter watched from the front passenger seat of Philip Seidle’s car. Before surrendering, the off-duty officer held his weapon to his own head, leading to a 30-minute standoff with police.

Seidle was arrested and is charged in the murder, unlawful possession of a weapon and endangering the welfare of his daughter, according to the prosecutors office. He is being held in the Monmouth County Correctional Institution, Freehold, in lieu of $2 million bail. His bail was upheld during a brief court hearing Wednesday afternoon.

The Asbury Park Police Department, among other local, county and federal agencies, continue to investigate the incident.

Bishop O’Connell condemned the violent act that took Tamara Seidle’s life and left her children without a mother, and a father in police custody. “Such senseless and tragic violence has become all too commonplace in society,” he said.

Devoted to Faith and Family

A breast cancer survivor, Tamara Seidle leaves behind five daughters, ages 24, 17, 15, 12 and 7, and four sons, 22, 20, 19 and 11. Several of her children are current or former students in Our Lady of Mount Carmel School.

Tamara Seidle taught religious education in both the Trenton and Metuchen Dioceses for more than two decades, and was recognized by Bishop O’Connell as a “pillar of faith within the community of Mother of Mercy Parish.”

In the Trenton Diocese, she served as a catechist in St. Peter Claver Parish before eventually moving to Our Lady of Providence Parish, where she was an altar server coordinator, reader and extraordinary minister of the Eucharist. In 2012, she was named religious education coordinator for the parishes of Our Lady of Mount Carmel and Holy Spirit, which became Mother of Mercy Parish in 2014.

Even through the transition period after the parish unification, Seidle maintained her optimism and excitement for her ministry. Paramount among her many duties during the twinning was managing a staff of 38 teachers and aides to create a single religious education program for the more than 400 children of the four parishes consolidated into Mother of Mercy Parish.

 Seidle was passionate about the importance of religious education. “It’s going to form their lives,” she told The Monitor in a 2012 interview. “Every child will encounter a situation where they are tested, and if there is no answer to God, there will be no answer to life.”

She was convinced of the long-term value of taking this time to educate children, saying, “They may not grasp everything … but they will go back to that foundation to help them.”

The void that is now left in the parish community and the toll that Seidle’s murder will have on the children she served was cited in Father Virella’s statement.  He wrote: “We also recognize the toll that Tami’s death has on the children of our parish, with and for whom she worked so diligently. We pray that they will always remember her faithful example of Christian discipleship and service to this Church that she loved so dearly.  We pray that they will draw ever closer to God and, be able to turn to God whenever things become difficult in their lives.”

Jill Kerekes, diocesan associate director for Parish and School Catechesis, said that Seidle was always “looking out for everybody else.”

“Tami was just a beautiful person, and she just radiated kindness,” she said. “She just has always been such a gracious and humble servant.”

Media reports indicated that Seidle was involved in the community outside of her parish, as well. She was active in Neptune athletics and a member of the Red and Black Booster Club. Local media outlets included comments from those who knew her, and who described her as a devoted mother and “a nice woman with a bubbly spirit.”

‘A Mentor and a Friend’

Father Virella knew and worked with Seidle since she first arrived in Our Lady of Providence Parish in 2000. Beyond being a spiritual advisor for Seidle, he said they were friends, and acknowledged that she was dealing with some very difficult problems at home.

He said that some of her children went through the parish religious education program, with some of her older children following in her footsteps by volunteering for the program itself.

Since Tamara Seidle’s death Tuesday, Father Virella has focused his efforts on comforting her children. He spent much of the day of the shooting with her family in the Monmouth County Prosecutor’s Office, and had invited them to come to the parish offices this week.

The pastor’s statement described it as a blessing to know and work with Seidle, and adding, “She will be dearly missed, but we take comfort in knowing that God will shine his mercy on the soul of his ‘good and faithful servant.’”

At the prayer service, those who knew her well in the parish shared their memories. Christian Brother James Furlong, who served in the parish religious education program before Seidle became coordinator, said, “She was one of my dearest friends, my confidant.”

“She lives on in her children.”

Noting that Tami “prayed every day for the end of domestic violence,” Father Virella recalled, in his homily, the words of the first reading, saying, “The souls of the just are in the hand of God … they were tried and tested, like gold in fire.”  In a similar way, Tami was also tried and tested, and is now in the hands of God, he added.

Jessica Carroll, who considers herself “truly blessed to be such great friends with Tami,” recalled meeting her years ago in Holy Spirit Church.  

“It was inspirational. Everything she did was inspirational – the tireless hours, never a complaint. She was a bright spirit, happy and positive,” said Carroll, fighting back tears.

Jason Bucknor acknowledged that Seidle had a tremendous impact on his life, recommending him for his first job which gave him the income to start a family, now numbering five children. He said he met Seidle in St. Peter Claver Church and they were together in a church group for 28 years.  “We receive a lot from the Church,” said Bucknor, including “hope and a way to love,” both of which Tami exemplified.

Speaking of her difficult marriage, Bucknor added, “She believed in forgiveness … she believed in the hope of the Resurrection … she believed in second chances.”

Also sharing a reflection was a young parish catechist. Speaking in Spanish, and interpreted by Father Virella, she recalled that Seidle “received every catechist with open arms and the greatest of love – everyone was the same. “

“What she said, she did; what she said, she lived.”

At the close of the service, Father Virella acknowledged that one of Seidle’s gifts was something close to his heart and important for a parish – building unity among people. “We are one,” he stressed; one community, one Church.

“For us, this is a great loss because she was not only a parishioner and co-worker, she was a great friend. We have received thousands of phone calls,” he acknowledged. “The parish is crying.”

After the service, counselors from the Monmouth County Traumatic Loss Coalition and 180 Turning Lives Around, Inc., an organization dedicated to ending domestic and sexual violence, were present in Our Lady of Mount Carmel School’s cafeteria.

180 Turning Lives Around, Inc., has a youth helpline, 2NDFLOOR, which is a statewide, confidential helpline for children. For details, visit www.180nj.org.

The domestic violence hotline is 1-888-843-9262. The youth helpline is 1-888-222-2228.