By Peg Hensler | Associate Director of the Diocesan Department of Youth, Marriage and Family Life

The “Plan for Strengthening Marriage” launched in May 2015 at the diocesan Marriage Summit is all about building healthy, happy, lifelong Catholic marriages in the Diocese of Trenton. 

If we consider that strong marriages and families are essential for vibrant Catholic communities, we begin to see the necessity of providing pastoral assistance to families in every stage of family life. As Pope Francis recently reaffirmed, “The family… is the first and most important school of mercy, in which we learn to see God’s loving face and to mature and develop as human beings.”  

Concern for the welfare of Catholic marriages and families has been a priority in the U. S. Catholic Church since the unveiling of the U. S. Bishop’s National Pastoral Initiative for Marriage in 2007, and, more recently, with the World Meeting of Families in 2015.

In response to these concerns, numerous studies were conducted by theologians and social scientists on pastoral practices in marriage and family ministry throughout the United States. One study in particular examined the life cycle of marriage, suggesting that there are at least eight distinct stages of marriage, each with its own set of developmental tasks.

With each new stage, married couples must readjust to changes in the family system and must be willing to re-negotiate their relationship to embrace the inevitable changes that will either strengthen their marital bond or threaten to destroy it. The point is, marriage is a dynamic process wherein the couple is either growing together or growing apart – there is no in-between.

This begs the question – what can we do in our parishes to support our Catholic couples as they face the developmental tasks that must be accomplished in each new stage of marriage? The answer lies in Objective # 6 of the “Plan for Strengthening Marriage:”

“To establish a marriage ministry in every parish to provide intentional support and enrichment for married couples, including those who are struggling in their relationships or family situations.”

If parish marriage ministry is meant to provide intentional support for marriage through the lifecycle, we must consider that dealing with change in each stage of marriage impacts the health and wholeness of the entire family system.

For example, if a couple with young children begins to experience serious marital difficulties due to the pressures of childcare, household responsibilities and the need for dual incomes, the children’s spiritual and emotional development will likely be affected.  Through parish marriage ministry, the parish can become the couples’ support system by providing tools to successfully re-negotiate their relationship and determine together an effective course of action that will help the marital relationship to grow.

Considering all that is asked of our parishes as we prepare for a future with fewer priests and the need for careful stewardship of financial resources, can we realistically expect parishes to serve as the support system for marriage through the lifecycle? Furthermore, the parish support system must include all types of families – unmarried adults, childless couples, single parent families and step families. 

The good news is, our parishes in the Diocese of Trenton already provide many of the pastoral services and formational opportunities that equip our families to deal with the joys and struggles in each phase marriage and family life.  In many ways, Parish Marriage Ministry simply fosters the interconnectivity of existing ministries, services and formational offerings through the lens of marriage.

Comprehensive Parish Marriage Ministry is a peer-to-peer ministry and a lay initiative that enables married couples to use their unique gifts in service to the parish community. A core team of married couples who are actively involved in the parish and committed to building and sustaining marriages is responsible for the oversight of Marriage Ministry with the pastor’s approval but not his direct involvement.

Parish Marriage Ministry is necessary to accomplish all that’s involved with preparing couples for lifelong marriage, staying connected with them in the early years, equipping parents to teach the faith, encouraging married couples to serve in the parish community, assisting married couples in troubled marriages, and providing spiritual enrichment.

To learn more about how to start marriage ministry in your parish, contact Peg Hensler, Associate Director of Youth, Marriage and Family Life, [email protected].