Catholic News Service 

This edition of Viewpoints looks at the question: Is it harder to be a parent these days? Liz Quirin, editor of The Messenger, newspaper of the Diocese of Belleville, Ill., talks about the difficulty of raising children today who will stay committed to the church. Tom Sheridan, former editor of the Catholic New World, newspaper of the Archdiocese of Chicago, and a deacon ordained for the Diocese of Joliet, Ill., talks about the importance of teaching kids how to believe in a loving God and in themselves.

Trying to enkindle in kids a longing for the Eucharist

By Liz Quirin

Are you saving money? Are you recycling? Why don't you call your friends and talk to them instead of texting them? My children have reached an age when I no longer ask those questions very often.

They are saving, and they recycle whenever they can. I'm somehow amazed when they tell me about speaking up at work to right some wrong, either a personal one or a business one.

When they were growing up, we preached many virtues to them, invited them to practice the corporal works of mercy, to help those who couldn't help themselves. It's a tricky business, though.

For example, my daughter went on a field trip to New York with high school friends. When they passed a panhandler, my daughter gave him some change. Her friend looked at the man and yelled: "Get a job," and she gave him nothing.

What if the man just pretended to be needy, used the money for something he shouldn't or was already getting some kind of supplemental income? That's not your worry, I told my daughter. You gave him the money with good intentions for the right reasons, and, let's face it, we're not talking about more than a dollar.

The values we consciously, and perhaps unconsciously, pass on to our children will unfold in later years, as I have discovered.

For the most part, I am happy with the lessons they internalized: They care about the poor, they try to help people in need and they respect other people no matter their socioeconomic status. They are passionate about many of the right things, but we have one issue that remains unresolved. They are not regular churchgoers, and I can't seem to make any headway with that.

Both my children live in different parts of the country, and they do go to church with me when they are home. I've talked to them, but, somehow, with all of the good things they do and the care they have for those in need, church didn't make it on the priority list.

I don't know what parish life is like in their respective communities, and they were growing up when I was reporting on clerical sexual abuse of minors, so maybe I didn't keep as many opinions to myself as I should have. I just don't know.

I look around at the families at my parish and wonder if their children will go to church when they no longer live at home.

Sometimes I think my children are lazy; they just don't want to get up on Sunday morning to go to Mass. It could be that they organized their priorities incorrectly. They should have put weekend liturgies at the top of the list rather than leaving it off the list entirely.

While I can't change their behaviors when they live so far away from me, I can pray for them, bring up topics that might give them a chance to think about commitments to Mass. What I must avoid is cutting off communication with them because they don't behave exactly the way I want.

When I disagree with a choice my daughter makes, she tells me she understands what I say but that I no longer dictate what she does. She says it lovingly, but the message is clear: "I do this because this is my life, not yours," and she's right.

Just like all parents, I love my children unconditionally. That doesn't mean I approve of or like everything they do. I believe that's clear to them. Control was never a word I liked, so I try to stay away from the word and its definition.

As long as they know I love them -- and they do -- I will continue to ask my questions and nudge them to think about their relationship with God and their commitment to strengthening that commitment. It may, someday, lead them back to regular participation in a parish church, in the liturgy.

In the meantime, I will storm heaven asking for a nudge from the Holy Spirit to enkindle in them a longing for the Eucharist, a most perfect answer to my prayer.

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A different world, new challenges for parents

By Tom Sheridan

True story: My wife was with me while I was doing chaplaincy work in a Chicago-area hospital many years ago.

She visited a pediatrics ward where a mother was comforting her young son after minor surgery. Next she sat with a 40-something couple helping to nurse their daughter through an illness. Finally, she happened upon a man in his late 60s recovering from prostate surgery. At his bedside was his nearly 90-year-old mother muttering, "There, there, son ... I know it hurts, but it'll be OK ..."

The moral: Parenting is never over.

That reminder may be helpful since, once again, it's summertime. School's out and it's the time of year when parents pat their kids lovingly on the rear as they head outside to play with friends.

No, wait. That was my generation.

Back in those ancient times, I'd grab a quick breakfast and scoot out the door heading for whatever kid-type adventure beckoned. A long bike-hike. Baseball. Just exploring. My parents expected that I'd wander home when the streetlights went on.

No more. Not in a world riddled with fears and concerns, porn and predators, boogeymen and terrorists. Watch your kids. Keep 'em close. Play dates. Organized activities. Check the cell phone's GPS. Stranger danger.

Free-range parenting -- the current jargon for what most of us experienced as kids -- is a big no-no. Parents are expected -- sometimes under penalty of the law -- to hover over their children.

It's not easy to be a parent these days. Actually, it never was, though it certainly was different. Our kids and grandchildren live in a different world today, though I suspect every parent of every age could make a similar observation.

Something that hasn't changed is that a parent still experiences life like an odd recipe: There's one part chaos, one part love and affection, and one part wondering what in the heck just happened.

Today's world -- economically unequal, uber-technological, social media-led, environmentally challenging, politically unstable, faith diminished, civility negligent, career lacking, opportunity deficient -- makes older parents like us squirm and worry about our offspring, despite their ages.

And since parenting never does end, it means that I have to worry not just about my children, but about my grandchildren as well. Oh, I know their parents worry about them enough (too much?), but so do I.

And that's where faith comes in.

There's a lot of very appropriate focus on the family these days, including October's synod on family life at the Vatican. Family life is challenged. In some cultures and societies and demographics, it may be almost nonexistent. But a family remains a positive goal. Yes, it takes a village to raise a child ... but it's best if there's a family at the heart of the village.

That's part of the reason why the church recognizes the connection between family and faith.

Arriving in Ecuador for the start of his July journey to the Americas, Pope Francis cited his concerns -- and hopes -- for family life. He described the family as the "nearest hospital, the first school for the young and the best home for the elderly." And he talked about how love is at the center of it all.

Parenting truly never ends. So, if there's a bit of advice one generation of parents can offer another, perhaps it's this:

Teach your kids how to believe in a loving God and in themselves. Keep them safe but don't smother them. Teach them to be alert but not paranoid.

Yes, take them to play dates and check the GPS and Web history, but don't forget to show them how to wonder. Amaze them with the world around them. Demonstrate hope. Show them how to share -- their love, their faith and themselves.