By Lois Rogers, Correspondent

“Living With Less Fear in Our Lives,” the topic of the 22nd Annual Upper Room Spirituality Conference, Oct. 28, could have risen from the rash of sensational teasers and headlines that plague the daily news cycle.

There was, however, a subtitle: “Trusting in a Wise and Empathetic God.” It made all the difference for 200 people gathered in Lakewood’s Georgian Court Casino.

From their hopeful attitudes at the very beginning of the six hour event, it was clear participants anticipated insights from Oblate Father Ronald Rolheiser, theologian and popular spirituality writer, which could help them navigate the roiled waters of contemporary society.

Following an opening welcome and prayer service by the Upper Room Spirituality Center’s Faithful Love Music Group, Father Rolheiser took to the microphone, urging participants – who came from around New Jersey and beyond – to focus on their relationship with God as the primary way to “live with less fear in our lives” and drew from Scripture to make the point crystal clear.

Father Rolheiser began by asking his listeners to turn to Scripture as the primary resource for diminishing fear. “Whenever God appears,” he noted, whether in the Old Testament or the New Testament, the heavenly admonition is ‘don’t be afraid.” That being the case, he said, “when something frightens the bejesus out of you, [understand that] it’s not from God.”

Considered a thinker whose approach focuses on how the Catholic tradition can benefit those beset by loneliness, fear and restlessness, Father Rolheiser offered ways to distinguish between healthy fears – “that God is beyond us, different and we feel small” – and unhealthy fears – fearing “the wrath of God” and “not measuring up” to your own expectations and those others have for you.

These days especially, he said, people are plagued with fears about their children and the laxity with which they regard their faith. They haven’t left the Church, he noted, as many in the vast Casino nodded their heads in agreement. They just aren’t conscientious about practicing it.

He urged them not to try to “scare your kids back into church. … It’s wrong to use God for intimidation.” Rather, he encouraged participants to be the best example of “being part of the Body of Christ” that they can be.

The Oblate of Mary Immaculate priest is considered one of the most popular writers and speakers on Catholic spirituality in the English-speaking world by many pundits. His best-selling book, “The Holy Longing,” has sold more than 200,000 copies in hardback and his weekly column is syndicated in more than 60 Catholic newspapers around the globe including The Monitor.

In his presentations, Father Rolheiser draws on a wide variety of sources ranging from Catholic Scripture to Church Fathers like St. Augustine, to contemporary authors, and offers insights that resonate with many people struggling in this edgy, early 21st century society.

Reflecting on the content of this year’s Spirituality Day, participants said many of Father Rolheiser’s observations hit the mark.

Among them, Eugenia Kelly, pastoral assistant in Holy Cross Parish, Rumson, spoke of his particular references to “the magnitude of God,” beyond human imagination, which is “more forgiving of us than we are of ourselves.”

Kelly, who has a background in nursing, said she especially appreciated insights related to mental health. “When bad things happen,” she said, “we feel crushed and unblessed. We fear God’s punishment. We think God is arbitrary … that he won’t be there for us.”

The affirmation that he is always there “if you just approach him” was good to hear, she said.

Frank Coyle, a member of Nativity Parish, Fair Haven, has been participating in Upper Room programs for 35 years. He liked the scope of Father Rolheiser’s “really modern message. That he broke it down into fears that are healthy and those that are unhealthy helps people to shape things in their minds.”

“Everyone projects fears these days and worries about everything,” he said. “It’s easy to give into the worry. It undermines trust in a loving God … you become fearful of approaching God. At the very end, as [Father Rolheiser] focused on the Eucharist, to me that was the perfect grace. He touched on God the blessing parent, not the threatening parent. That’s a message we all need to hear.”

Mary Austin, a member of St. Aloysius Parish, Jackson, appreciated his insight on keeping good relationships with the younger members of the family.

“He stressed over and over again,” she said, the importance of realizing that sheer worry will not solve problems, that “they are good kids and in God’s time, things will be alright.” The assurance that God will never give up on us and that he will even reach into hell for us was so important. It was a very positive presentation which is just what people needed to hear,” Austin said.