By Christina Leslie | Staff Writer

“This is meant to be a day to pray and reflect and think about your ministry as a caregiver,” explained diocesan director John Kalinowski as he welcomed about 60 men and women to the eighth annual Pastoral Care retreat held May 2 in San Alfonso Retreat House, Long Branch. The day of lectures, discussion, quiet contemplation and Mass was designed to renew the spirit and reinforce the faith of those individuals who work with the sick in their roles as chaplains, clergy, religious, hospital visitors, nursing home employees, spiritual directors, lay ecclesial ministers and family caregivers.

Keynote speaker Father Michael Manning, pastor of Holy Cross Parish, Rumson, advised the caregivers “to cure occasionally, relieve often, and console always” during his presentation which evoked both laughter and tears. Father Manning, an internist and gastroenterologist for many years before entering the priesthood, regaled the group with anecdotes about his days as a physician and pastoral care worker.

“There are both challenges and joys in visiting the sick and hospitals and hospices,” Father Manning began, summarizing that a caregiver’s responsibility was to “show up, listen and repeat.” Showing up might be difficult, he admitted, but remembered when he first began visits with the Holy Eucharist. “We bring Christ with us into the room. When I had the Blessed Sacrament in my pocket, I felt like a million dollars. Nothing could deter me.”

Listening is more than silence, the priest informed the group. “It’s hard not to interrupt, but let them tell their story at their pace. Let them cry a while.” Show compassion by allowing emotions and circumstances move and affect you, Father Manning advised, but not take residence in you. “The Good Samaritan stayed for a while, but then he left! But, don’t be afraid to go back. Faith and fear can go together,” he said.

The anxieties harbored by the pastoral minister, the patient and the family are many, Father Manning noted, but employing healthy coping strategies is crucial to one’s faith renewal. He recommended the group see the joy past the fear, continue personal prayer, remain part of a faith community, exhibit gratitude without superiority or invulnerability, and engage in generative physical activities.

Father Manning shared excerpts from Salvifici Doloris, the apostolic letter written by then-Pope John Paul II in 1984 which gives the pontiff’s reflections on the Christian meaning of human suffering. “This is our secret weapon, our strength,” he stated. “This gives us a message, a way to cope. I don’t know how anyone can do what we do without faith. Otherwise, it’s just telling stories.”

Second key-note speaker, Vincentian Father Michael Shea, associate director of the Central Association of the Miraculous Medal, offered his reflections and prayers for those on the journey with the sick. The Brooklyn native reminded the caregivers they should rest, eat well, exercise and pray daily to keep physically and spiritually healthy, then played a recording of “I am a Man of God” sung by Neil Diamond. “We should be developing ourselves as a person, a minister, a professional, a person of faith,” the priest said.

Summarizing author Matthew Kelly’s “Prayer Process,” Father Shea advised the group to express gratitude; become self-aware of faults; identify significant moments of faith; ask for peace and forgiveness; lift up anyone you feel called to pray for. “If you think you cannot be holy, just try to be the best version of yourself,” he urged.

Attendees found value in the clergymen’s insights and appreciated the time for quiet reflection at the retreat house bordering the Atlantic Ocean. Immaculate Heart of Mary Sister Jane Dunnigan of Red Bank Catholic High School, had eagerly looked forward to the presentations and retreat time. She said forthrightly, “You can’t give what you don’t have. I don’t have balance in my life; I need to be at peace myself.”

Jane Cable, assistant principal of St. John Vianney High School, Holmdel, juggles those responsibilities as well as serving as a commissioned lay ecclesial minister for the Diocese and primary caregiver for her husband. “I’m a pastoral caregiver at the school for the kids, the one who handles their immediate concerns on the crisis team,” she said. Appreciative of the day to recharge her strength to assist others, Cable continued, “My husband is fully disabled. This workshop is for me.”

Pastoral care worker Frank Spexart, a member of St. Rose of Lima Parish, also serves as reader, extraordinary minister of Holy Communion and sacristan in his Freehold parish. Spexart, who brings the Eucharist to patients at CentraState Medical Center, Freehold, commented, “I’ve been to a number of these, and I get a lot out of them. I especially liked how Father Manning focused in on the hospital ministry.”