By Christina Leslie|Correspondent
On numerous occasions during his pontificate, Pope Francis has recognized the predicament of divorced, separated and remarried Catholics. As he reflected upon the complexities of marriage and forgiveness, the pontiff stated, “The Church is a mother, and she must travel this path of mercy, and find a form of mercy for all.”

The Diocese of Trenton, too, recognizes the mission to nurture and educate its separated and divorced in order to encourage them toward full participation in the life of the Church, reflected John Kalinowski, director, Department of Pastoral Care. To that end, the department recently sponsored a Separated and Divorced Ministry enrichment day in St. James Parish, Pennington. Diocesan judicial vicar Msgr. Oscar B. Sumanga spoke to the attendees on the subjects of annulment and the Sacraments postdivorce, while Divine Word Missionary Father Martin Padovani, a renowned author and psychotherapist, shared his insights on healing wounded relationships after the dissolution of a marriage.

In addition to events such as the enrichment day, numerous faith-centered support groups are held in parishes throughout the four counties of the diocese providing emotional support, encouragement and information to nurture a sense of community. In St. Barnabas Parish, Bayville, Mary Alice Laird has facilitated groups for divorced and separated Catholics of the diocese since 1983.

“As people evolve, so do the programs. We started as a weekly support group for the first 20 years,” she recalled. “We were one of the few in the diocese, so people came from all over. We establish a bond with others walking the same journey, for that is where most of the healing takes place.” Over time, Laird and others realized the attendees needed a more structured approach, and the group explored programs such as “Divorce and Beyond,” an eight-week exercise replete with activities, reflections and prayers. The program is one of many resources available from the North American Conference of Separated and Divorced Catholics, a division of the Catholic Divorced Ministry which has representatives both within the diocese and throughout the nation.

“We have different issues as Catholics than other people,” Laird noted, citing the commonly held though inaccurate assumption divorced Catholics are not welcome in the Church. “Many people have excommunicated themselves, they are ashamed, they self-sabotage,” she noted. “Through faith, they are inspired to realize they are worthy of God’s love. It’s the basic common denominator.” Arlene Joseph, a long-time moderator for the divorced and separated group in St. Martha Parish, Point Pleasant, and St. Peter Parish, Point Pleasant Beach, has led roundtable discussions on topics such as anger, forgiveness, surviving the holidays, depression, and other related topics. “We are not psychologists, we just share,” she cautioned. “Other people’s experiences close to our own can help.

Joseph begins and ends each meeting with prayer, and has found materials from the diocesan Office of Pastoral Life and Mission to be helpful in her ministry. But she gives most of the credit for her successful group activities to the members’ foundation of faith.

“A person with faith has a different mindset,” Joseph asserted. “Faith gives you strength to heal. Most people readily and heartedly admit that, without faith, [healing] is very, very hard.”

Maria Rodrigues of St. Veronica Parish has conducted a number of programs for the divorced and separated Catholics in need of faith-filled support at the Howell church. She also serves as a representative for the N.J. and Pennsylvania region within the North American Conference of Separated and Divorced Catholics, a USCCB-sanctioned organization which aims to guide and assist those in troubled marriages. Rodrigues advocated a sacramental approach to guide the newly separated or divorced contemplating life after marriage.

“It is important to follow the sacraments, to know that there is life in the Church after divorce,” she asserted. “[Participants] need to forgive themselves. God has already forgiven you. Move forward and forgive others.”

In their Nov. 2009 pastoral letter entitled “Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan”, the U. S. Conference of Catholic Bishops extols the sanctity of the Sacrament of Marriage, yet offers guidance to contemporary couples facing challenges in their union.

“We [bishops] understand the pain of those for whom divorce seemed the only recourse….We urge them to make frequent use of the sacraments, especially the Sacraments of Holy Eucharist and Reconciliation… We encourage divorced persons who wish to marry in the Catholic Church to seek counsel about the options that exist to remedy their situation….” read www.usccb.org The USCCB website www.foryourmarriage. org supplies additional faithfilled guidance, answering frequently asked questions on the Church’s stance on marriage, divorce and annulment and clearing misconceptions about the separated or divorced Catholic’s status in the Church. For those seeking out a local support group, click HERE. For additional information or assistance, contact John Kalinowski, director, Pastoral Care Office at 609-403-7157.