By Haley Cafarella | Correspondent

Pam Stenzel, noted author and abstinence educator, talked about chastity while relating personal anecdotes and alarming statistics to more than 150 gathered March 25 for the “Nobody Told Me!” presentation in St. Catharine Church, Holmdel.

“After nine years, I’ve realized that we have a lot of teenagers out there making decisions about sex having no idea – none – what the consequence of that choice will be,” Stenzel said, reflecting on her time working with young girls in pregnancy centers in Minneapolis, Minn., and Chicago. “Students, I did not come to New Jersey this week to decide for you what you’re going to do about sex.”

Stenzel’s talk – which capped a three-day visit to the Diocese – was open to students in eighth grade through high school, parents, religious education leaders and catechists, teachers and youth ministers. Her book for teens titled “Nobody Told Me!” and a DVD for parents called “The High Cost of Free Love” were available for purchase at the event. Representatives of The Culture Project, an initiative of young missionaries who preach about human dignity, were also on hand for small-group discussions and to answer questions.

Stenzel’s goal, she said, was to ensure that the teens wouldn’t one day have to tell a physician, counselor or future romantic partner that “nobody told them” about the consequences of sex before marriage. God created sex for being within the boundary of marriage, she told the crowd.

One of the points Stenzel highlighted was that premarital and unprotected sex puts young girls and women at higher risk than their male counterparts. For example, 90 percent of teen mothers don’t graduate college, and single-mother households tend to live in poverty, she said.

Citing monetary trends, she said the country spends $30 billion to support teen mothers.

She also related how her 15-year-old mother gave her up for adoption after she was conceived from rape.  She said she was grateful to her young mother, whom she never met, for giving her life because her adoptive family was a gift.

Stenzel continued her talk by saying that in today’s world, young girls are more afraid of becoming pregnant than contracting a sexually transmitted disease. During the 1950s, there were only five known sexually transmitted diseases, she said. Now there are more than 30, most of which are incurable. She explained that there are two types of STDs – bacterial and viral. Bacterial diseases, such as chlamydia, can be cured, while viruses cannot, she said.

Ninety percent of students who have chlamydia don’t show symptoms, which is why getting tested is important, she stressed. She also told the young girls that they, specifically, are at high risk because 26 of the 30 STDs primarily affect females.

She ended her talk by expressing how important it is for the teens to respect one another.

The crowd then broke into groups of girls, boys or families and adults for discussions with missionaries from The Culture Project. Father Martin O’Reilly, diocesan youth chaplain, ended the event by engaging the audience with a visualization exercise that required them to think about whom they respect, a theme of Stenzel’s talk.

“Chasity is not just about abstinence,” said Cristina Imparato, ministry assistant in the Diocese’s Department of Evangelization and Family Life, who was pleased with the overall turnout of the three-day event. Sessions were also held earlier that day in St. Joseph Parish, Toms River; March 24 in St. Mary of the Lakes School, Medford, and Holy Cross Academy, Delran; and March 23 in St. Veronica School, Howell, and St. John Vianney High School, Holmdel. More than 2,300 people total attended the six sessions.

Imparato said she was glad to see the talks open a dialogue between parents and their children, and for parents to get the much-needed assistance they may need for chastity conversations. It’s important for young people, she said, to know that they are not alone in wanting to be chaste.

“My parents always tell me the right thing to do, and my faith helps me to stay closer to God,” Caroline Rebele, a teenage parishioner in St. Catharine Parish, said when asked if her faith helps her to stay chaste.

“Being chaste helps you form relationships that are unique,” fellow teen parishioner Lindsay Cannon said.

Parishioner Devin Daly, who attended the talk at St. Catharine Parish with his 14-year-old son, was particularly moved by the facts and statistics Stenzel presented.

“I found the talk to be overwhelming and informative at the same time,” he said.