By EmmaLee Italia | Correspondent

What makes for a successful marriage? Joyfulness and perseverance were traits deemed essential for the vocation, as described by several speakers and couples during the Diocese's annual World Marriage Day Mass and dinner dance.

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In celebration of World Marriage Day, 190 husbands and wives gathered Feb. 7 this year in St. David the King Parish, West Windsor, to hear words of experience, of wisdom -- and certainly humor.

Msgr. Thomas N. Gervasio, vicar general and moderator of the curia and pastor of Our Lady of Sorrows-St. Anthony Parish, Hamilton, was the main celebrant of the World Marriage Day Mass. St. David the King Parish pastor, Father Timothy J. Capewell, concelebrated and Deacon Tom Baker, also from the parish, assisted.

During his homily, Deacon Baker humbly claimed that, "after 35 years, I sometimes wonder what I know about marriage. In practice, I'm struck with how hard it is to judge any relationship from the outside."

He credited his wife, Sue McSorley, for summing up marriage in one sentence: "Marriage is a constant process of lowering your standards."

As the church filled with knowing laughter, Deacon Baker continued, "People are supposed to say marriage is a lot of work," but he hasn't found that to be the case personally, and considers himself very fortunate.

He drew upon the day's Gospel reading from Mark, in which Jesus begins to heal the sick, and very quickly is approached by more and more ailing people.

"Everyone has damage; we all need healing," Deacon Baker said, and cited family histories, addictions, personal tragedies and mistakes as examples of the imperfections in all. "Only imperfect people get married. We're the only people available - sinners!"

He explained that the response to this imperfection can be one of overwhelm or blaming - but that Jesus responds by showing compassion first, and that he should be the example of how one should act.

"If you're sitting here today," Deacon Baker said, "you're in the full-time healing business. We try to heal people not because they deserve it, but because we try to imitate Jesus' compassion. And we never get closer [to imitating him] than when we notice suffering and try to offer help."

Marriage is a partnership of support, he said, allowing the couple the strength of someone next to them, helping them.

"We may not be able to cure or fix people, but we can be a sign of hope, of love," Deacon Baker said. "In the Gospel, everyone is looking for Jesus. They're looking for us too. They're looking to us for a miracle - and every now and then, we can work one."

Following the homily, Msgr. Gervasio led couples in the rite of renewal of their marriage vows.

The dinner dance, held in the parish’s Great Hall after Mass, began with an icebreaker scavenger hunt, during which couples were encouraged to meet everyone in the room by asking a series of provided questions, with prizes offered to the couple who completed their list first.

Peg Hensler, diocesan program coordinator for marriage ministries and Natural Family Planning, began the dinner hour by welcoming couples, encouraging them to consider, "How can we be a living sign of God's fruitful love and make a real difference in the world? Think about how you as a married couple can strengthen marriage in your parish and diocese."

Director of the department of Youth, Marriage and Family Life, Josue Arriola, also addressed the husbands and wives.

"Today throughout the entire world we celebrate World Marriage Day, to honor the foundation of the family," said Arriola. "My friends, everything starts with you."

After Hensler and her husband, Bob, led couples in a prayer for each other, keynote speaker, Msgr. Gervasio expressed his gratitude for the couples and their example of the marriage vocation. Drawing upon the wisdom of Pope Francis, Msgr. Gervasio recounted the Holy Father’s saying: “'We live in a culture of the temporary. Married life requires a love that is cultivated every day. Once you say "I do," you can't cross your arms and wait.'"

Msgr. Gervasio stressed the need for outward expression of joy as an example to others of loving marriage partnership.

"Be serious about your vocation - but never somber," he said. "It's one way you can evangelize because joy attracts. Could your friends and neighbors see the joy of your marriage?"

Msgr. Gervasio related a story about a priest who once asked his superior, "What's the best way to increase vocations to the order?" The superior replied, "Live your vocation joyfully - after all, who wants to join a group of moody people?"

He went on to describe how, despite the grave depiction of saints in art, many of them were quite jovial. Mother Teresa of Calcutta, during the papacy of St. John Paul II, was once asked by one of the sisters, "Mother, how can I become a saint?" She answered wryly, "If you want to become a saint, die now - because Pope John Paul is canonizing everybody."

Peppering his speech with many such examples, Msgr. Gervasio capped his talk with a quote from Pope Benedict XVI, describing his time as pope: "I have felt like St. Peter with the apostles in the boat on the Sea of Galilee. The Lord has given to us so many days of sun and of light, so many days of calm winds, when the catch was abundant.  There were also moments where the waters were rough ... and the Lord seemed to be sleeping. But I have always known that the Lord is in that boat.... He does not abandon us, he remains close to us, he surrounds us with his love."

Msgr. Gervasio said, "My friends, this realization is really at the root of the joy that we experience. When the storms come, when the calm comes, the Lord is always with us.

"The increasingly secular world looks to you - you who are married, you who have said yes to marriage - and says, let us see your joy."

Many couples with years of married life experience mirrored that joy as they shared the evening together.

John and Mary Ellen Connelly, members of Nativity Parish, Fair Haven, believe that "loving friendship" has been one of the best things about their 52-year marriage, adding that the support of the "wonderful Church family" and having "always been on the same page with the Church" have been key factors. As for challenges to their marriage across the years, Mary Ellen said that, "There are always challenges when you have children." John countered with "grown children coming back home" as a test of marital fortitude.

"We've been very supportive of each other," said John, who believes the best quality of his wife is "her intelligence." Mary Ellen said that John's best characteristic is "his kindness." They enjoy singing in the adult choir in Nativity together, and boast a family of eight children and 18 grandchildren.

The Connellys came at the invitation of their friends Greg and Jeri Held, parishioners of St. Anselm, Tinton Falls.

"We had a fabulous time [at the dinner dance] last year," Greg exclaimed. "We're trying to see if we can top it this year!"

Married 50 years, the Helds have "seven wonderful kids and nine grandchildren." Jeri attested with a smile that her greatest difficulty in their marriage was "living with him - it's hard to get a word in edgewise!" Greg laughed and agreed heartily, saying, "She might have got in a couple hundred words over the years," but said that "being away from [Jeri] more than eight hours a day" was his greatest difficulty.

The Helds share an affection for their parish community and their Catholic faith, attending Mass together at least four times a week. "We love to go to church events, and I love to hear Jeri sing in the choir," Greg said.

Lori Moreau, who attended the dinner dance with husband Joseph, learned about the event in their parish bulletin. The Moreaus have been married 29 years, and are members of Our Lady of Sorrows-St. Anthony Parish.

"My husband is a keeper," Lori said. "He's always there for me." She attributes to him an outgoing nature, kindness and generosity. "He's a very loving guy."

When Lori's father died suddenly and her mother needed to move in with them, Joseph did not object. "He said, 'When I married you, I married your family too,'" Lori explained. "He's had to bite his tongue a lot!"

Lori believes the best advice she could give young married couples is, "if you want it to last, you have to work very hard. You have to be able to communicate, and just don't give up so easily."

Chris and Stacy Test, both cantors and parishioners of St. Joseph, Toms River, were eager to celebrate their 19-year marriage with a night of dancing and socializing.

"We like getting out to dance together, and we like the older music," said Stacy. Chris added, "We get to mingle with and meet other people in the Diocese that we wouldn't otherwise meet."

The Tests have persevered through many trials in their marriage, particularly in 2012 when Stacy was eight months pregnant during Superstorm Sandy. From a tree falling on their house, to Stacy's father's hospitalization and death, to a misdiagnosis of breast cancer and unnecessary chemotherapy, the couple had more than their share of storms to weather that year.

 In spite of it all, they believe their support of each other during that time made their marriage stronger. They agreed that perseverance is essential to a successful marriage.

"There is absolutely nothing you can't figure out or overcome if you remember how much you love each other," Chris said.  When times get tough, said Stacy, "People are too ready to throw it in."

As dessert plates emptied, the dance floor filled, husbands and wives took advantage of the variety of music -- from Frank Sinatra and Glenn Miller, to Chubby Checker's "The Twist" and The Village People's "Y.M.C.A." -- to show their skill. Even Father Capewell joined in the Electric Slide.

A dance contest, in which couples married various numbers of years were asked to step to the side as the numbers increased, revealed the couple in attendance married the longest. The honor went to Deacon  Bill and Ceil Wilson of St. Gregory the Great Parish, married 59 years. The couple married the shortest time so far were Brandon and Katie Dolly of St. David the King Parish, married two years.