Mary Morrell, Things my father taught me
You promised nanny!” are painful words for a grandmother to hear.
A broken promise is a disappointment, and few things feel heavier than having disappointed someone, especially someone so very much loved.
Those words bring back childhood memories of standing at the glass door sobbing hysterically for an hour or more because my dad left without me when he had promised to take me with him on errands. If I just waited there long enough, I thought, he would surely come back, but he didn’t. It was my fault because I wouldn’t get ready to leave. He told me he would leave if I wasn’t ready in time. The time came, I wasn’t ready, so he left.
A small disappointment, one might say, but it was something that hurt more than I could have imagined and taught me a lot about the power of disappointment. Did I learn a lesson about being ready on time? Yes, but I learned more about how it feels to be left behind, and that has impacted my life in many ways.
Just the word disappointment carries a quiet ache. Many of us would rather overextend ourselves, stay silent, or say “yes” when we mean “no” rather than risk seeing that flicker of hurt in another person’s eyes. Yet, learning that we sometimes need to disappoint others and, also, accept disappointment ourselves, is essential for our emotional growth.
The experience of disappointment is a human dilemma, one that even Jesus experienced.
How often must he have been disappointed by those who misunderstood him, especially those closest to him, like Peter, who, in the midst of a crisis, denied Jesus three times. Or John the Baptist, who, while imprisoned, sent messengers asking, “Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?”
Jesus also disappointed others. Many expected a political Messiah who would overthrow Roman rule. When Jesus refused to conform to those expectations, some walked away. In John 6, after he teaches about being the “bread of life,” many disciples say, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” and they leave.
As a mother, I am always touched by the story in Luke, which shares, “While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, ‘Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.’
“He replied to him, ‘Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?’ Pointing to his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.’”
Surely, Mary, as his mother, must have been disappointed. Perhaps she even felt left behind. But Jesus was not rejecting his family. With his choice, he redefined “belonging” around obedience to God’s will. It was a moment that may have been confusing, and no doubt hurtful, yet it reflects his clarity of purpose – something each of us must uncover for ourselves.
Jesus also shows us that within disappointment there is the opportunity for healing and growth.
Jesus did not cast Peter away. After the Resurrection, Jesus restored him gently, asking three times, “Do you love me?” Peter’s failure was real, but it was not final. Disappointment did not end the relationship; it deepened it. And Peter became the rock.
Mary Morrell is editor-in-chief of The Catholic Spirit, the Metuchen Diocesan newspaper.