“Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year.” It must be true, because we hear these words every year as we move past Thanksgiving, into Advent, and we begin preparing our homes for December 25th.
But Christmas can be a difficult time for some families. As we think of all the Christmas traditions that surround children, we do well to remember that for some, Christmas brings grief to the surface. For those families who may have lost an infant or child, or who may have lost children to miscarriages or stillbirths, the focus on children at Christmas can be difficult.
I recall the sadness my own wife and I experienced early in our marriage, when we yearned deeply for children, only to experience the loss of a child in the womb three times. Each year, as Christmas approached, we wanted to run away; we talked each year about going on a vacation at Christmas to avoid the direct grief that got stirred up simply by being surrounded by our many nieces and nephews. Of course, we never actually skipped Christmas; even with the grief of losses, we couldn’t imagine not being with our extended families.
In recent conversations with two friends who each experienced the loss of a newborn within hours of their birth, I knew that something should be done, and from those conversations and my own long-past sadness, the Cradle of the Beloved was born.
In my family, you never ever put the Infant figure in the creche until Christmas Eve, and we follow that tradition in our parish. This year, instead of an empty manger, we placed a small cradle between Mary and Joseph, and offered parishioners the chance to write the name of a child they may mourn on a card, which was placed in the cradle.
A bulletin announcement for Our Lady of Good Counsel Parish, Moorestown, explains the tradition introduced by Father James Grogan, pastor. Courtesy photo
I had expected perhaps 30 or 40 cards to be dropped in the cradle. After four printings, over 100 cards were placed into the intercession of Mary and Joseph during Advent. These cards reflect more than 150 names of children whose loss is carried in the hearts of their parents. At each Advent Mass, we remembered those children who never had the chance to grow up, along with the cards placed by husbands and wives who still yearn for a child.
These weeks with the Cradle of the Beloved created a special experience for me as a pastor. I had placed the names of my own children in the cradle; I watched as one of those special friends placed the name of their daughter Noelle in the Cradle of the Beloved, and I was privileged to place the name of John Paul Raphael among the cards, for my other friend who lives in Virginia.
Each day as I prepared for Mass, I sat in front of the Nativity scene, and a few times a week, I picked up the cards and read the names. I’ve seen parishioners tearfully place a card in for a child I never knew that they lost; I read cards placed for “… my unborn child…” and “… for my sibling who was lost …” I read the full names of so many children, and I am overwhelmed with love. The love of these parents, and my privilege to offer a moment of prayerful compassion for them.
And on Christmas, as the cradle was replaced by the Infant in the Manger, we offered a basket with simple angel ornaments that each family could take as a token of our prayers for them, and of our communion with the littlest ones already in the Communion of Saints.
While the response to this has been beyond my wildest expectations, I also know that we will continue this every Advent. Words seem insufficient to reflect on the power of these cards to heal hearts, but each family counted on our prayers, as a parish community, to continue the love they have for every child, those in heaven and those who woke up with wonderful joy on Christmas morning.
Father Grogan is pastor of Our Lady of Good Counsel Parish, Moorestown.