I’ve got to admit, I read through the lectionary this week and I was at a loss. Nothing stood out, nothing grabbed my attention, nothing inspired me to write anything. I was staring at words on a screen and had nothing. And it’s not from a lack of desire. I love writing these posts and I’m often surprised by what the Holy Spirit says through (and to) me when I am finished.
To provide a little bit of background, my kid has been home sick with a stomach flu for two days, we’re currently going through a kitchen renovation, we found out that my friend’s baby girl has a condition that could leave her blind, it’s a crazy time at work with planning for the coming year and getting ready for major things over the summer…there’s a ton going on and everything in my brain feels like water circling a drain, but never clearing out. I’m swamped.
It’s affecting my prayer life too. I don’t have the most structured or robust prayer life to begin with. It’s something I’m always working on and trying to expand. I go to morning Mass Monday through Friday, mostly because squeezing prayer into my mornings was not working. My family says grace before dinner whenever we eat together. Finally, I try to spend at least 20 minutes praying at night before bed.
That last piece is the most vulnerable. And it’s the most important piece because it is time that I set aside to spend with God to thank Him for my day, pray for the intentions I have and ask Him to watch over my family as we rest. When life is hectic, I just want to get to bed and prepare for the next day. I don’t want to give God that time because I’m tired, I struggle to focus, and I feel like I’m doing a bad job of praying.
I know referencing the Catechism of the Catholic Church can make things sound preachy, but what it says about prayer is incredibly encouraging. In the section on prayer, it talks about how it can sometimes seem like a battle. It’s not always going to come easy and, at least for me, it’s not always going to seem convenient or desirable.
Sometimes, we’re going to feel particularly unworthy to approach God and spend that time with Him. How the Church talks about prayer offers hope because she recognizes our struggles, validates the way we are feeling when we aren’t at our best, and encourages us to slog through it even if it’s hard and we aren’t “getting anything out of it.”
Again, the last part is particularly important. We don’t always feel like we’re doing a good job or we don’t feel like our prayer is doing anything because we can’t feel it. But that does NOT mean God isn’t working in us through our prayer. He can take anything we give Him and, through His infinite grace and goodness, work in us the change we hope for. He is there the whole time, battling with us when we struggle. God does not sit on some distant throne awaiting what is His. He is in the trenches of this life along side us. He’s got our back, protecting us from all that can assail us when we are down. He pulls our arms over His shoulders and supports us when we are about to fall. If only we will answer His call and battle through ourselves. It is when we can’t (or won’t) feel Him that He is nearest.
Life happens. But God never stops calling. He never stops fighting. So, gear up, prepare for battle, and LET US PRAY!