By Rose O’Connor, Correspondent
Hear the phrase “greatest hits,” and more than likely, thoughts of popular music selections come to mind. But when it comes to raising girls, there is some well-known rhetoric that can help families and teachers steer adolescents to become confident and poised young women.
Such was the focus of New York Times best-selling author Dr. Lisa Damour as she addressed a crowd of more than 100 in the all-girls Stuart Country Day School of the Sacred Heart, Princeton, Dec. 6 on the topic of “Raising a Girl? Six Things You Need to Know.”
“I’ve thought about this a lot as both a parent and a clinician. What are the ‘greatest hits’ in raising a girl?” asked Damour, a psychologist, teacher, public speaker and mother of two daughters, a first- and eighth-grader.
Drawing on years of clinical experience and the latest research, Damour outlined ideas parents should be cognizant of when raising girls, including how stress and anxiety aren’t all bad; work habits matter more than talent; full disclosure is not required; the word “no” can be a relationship builder; competitive is not a dirty word and how conflict can be healthy.
In each circumstance, she offered advice on how parents can react and explained how sometimes their actions, even with the most sincere intentions, can exacerbate a situation.
“Kids look to us to see how big a problem is,” she noted and urged parents to control their emotions when dealing with a trying situation.
Damour, executive director of the Ohio-based Laurel School’s Center for Research on Girls and senior adviser to the Schubert Center for Child Studies at Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio, used her clinician background to explain girls’ reactions to certain situations.
“Their neurology remodel during the adolescent years and the emotional center of our brain takes over the entire brain,” she said.
She also explained how to encourage girls to say “no” to situations or offers in which they do not wish to engage. “Every culture has clearly established refusal patterns. We need to teach our girls the power of a positive ‘no’ and find the best way to say ‘no.’”
“‘No’ can be a relationship builder,” Damour said. “Young ladies and girls need permission from us to turn others down, and we need to give them guidance on how to do so.”
In addition to the presentation, Damour spent time earlier in the day with students at the school and engaged in role-playing scenarios.
“She worked with our counselors and our teachers and discussed ways to deal with stress and anxiety,” explained Dr. Patty Fagin, head of school at Stuart. “She had our middle school students explore healthy conflicts and act out different responses. They loved it.”
Damour also gave a presentation to the school’s faculty so that both parents and teachers would hear the same message.
Anita Chevres, who has daughters in the fifth and eighth grades at Stuart, said she was pleased with Damour’s presentation.
“She’s so interesting. Her statements are very real and very relatable,” Chevres said.
Jennifer Sheppard, director of admission at Princeton Academy of the Sacred Heart, said that while she works in an all-boys school, she learned valuable tips that will assist her in raising her seventh-grade daughter.
“[Damour] showed how we as parents overthink things,” Sheppard said. “Our immediate reaction as a parent is to make it better for your kids. She gave concrete examples on how we can help.
“These discussions and conversations are really important. They give us positive hope and provide opportunities for us as parents to help us empower our girls,” she said.
Many parents said they found Damour’s presentation helpful because it addressed complicated issues.
One couple in attendance has daughters in the third and fifth grades in area schools. The parents said that though their youngest daughter hasn’t “reached some of those issues yet,” Damour’s points “were very useful in dealing with conflict.”