By Bill Dodds | Catholic News Service
More and more people in the U.S. are becoming caregivers for family members. A 2015 report by the National Alliance for Caregiving and the AARP Public Policy Institute notes, “The estimated prevalence of caring for an adult is 16.6 percent, or 39.8 million Americans.”
As more people grow into this role, it is important for them to realize that there are stages in the caregiving process. Here are the stages of caregiving that some researchers have identified, although each individual caregiver won’t necessarily follow this exact sequence.
— Pre-caregiving. The caregiver sees himself or herself as a helper, beginning to lend a hand with a limited number of tasks, but doesn’t identify as a “caregiver.”
— Self-identifying. Those caregiving tasks have increased to the point where the caregiver realizes and says, “I am a caregiver.” The caregiver now defines the role or continues to “just do it.”
— Studying and researching. Adopting the role of a student, the caregiver wants to know and understand a loved one’s condition or illness, including the symptoms and prognosis. The caregiver begins to look for resources for stress management and for informal support, such as family and friends.
— Acting like a caregiver. The caregiver is actually doing the work, increasing the number of tasks and their frequency, learning new skills and improving on others. As the family member’s health deteriorates, the caregiver begins to feel more stress.
— Recognizing challenges. The caregiver sees the impact of the situation: the emotional strain for both the family member and the caregiver, the family member’s resistance to accepting help and the caregiver’s own exhaustion, anxiety and anger.
— Getting help. The caregiver acknowledges the need for help. The spirituality of the role of caregiving becomes more apparent and the caregiver incorporates prayer and the awareness of God into daily activities. The caregiver locates and accepts formal support from social services and expands informal help to include the extended family, more friends and the parish community.
— Managing the role of caregiver. With that added help, the caregiver begins to be more proactive in approaching the role. The caregiver may decide on a “game plan,” learn about and use new coping strategies and begin to feel more in control and more confident.
— Preparing for the end of caregiving. The caregiver understands that the role of caregiving will end with the death of the loved one. In many ways, the caregiver begins to grieve the loss of both the “once healthy beloved” and the person needing care that family member has become. This is the time the caregiver most clearly sees the true value of caregiving and the love and respect he or she has for the one who has needed care.
— Moving on after death. The caregiver experiences shock, even if death was expected, and grieves the loss of his or her loved one. There may be a period of empty time in the day, a feeling of “now what do I do?” This is a good time to rest and reminisce, to find and use professional help and/or a support group for dealing with grief. Acceptance and appreciation of the experience will gradually come.
Bill Dodds and his late wife, Monica, were the founders of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver (www.FSJC.org). He can be contacted at BillDodds@YourAgingParent.com.