In our tendency to idealize the Holy Family with their sanctity and purity, we end up doing a great disservice to their integrity as individual persons and as a family unit. We also end up losing what this feast intends and which we so desperately need as a culture: to see in the family of Jesus a genuine model for living as a family in the world today.
I do not wish to diminish in any way the necessary dogmatic and spiritual realities that were manifest in the Holy Family, for there is indeed a clear historical and ontological distinction to be made, but we also need to consider the family functioning as a social unit with its own social and personal struggles.
We know little about them. The only real interaction among them that we see in the Scriptures is the Gospel we read on the feast: that of the discovery of the runaway son – Jesus – found after three days missing, speaking with the scholars in the Temple precincts. The conversation between the mother and the son is curt and offers no sense of warmth on his part. The father is, as he is in the few times he is mentioned in the Gospels, silent.
Every parent can identify in some way with this situation. It looks like Jesus is a typical 12-year-old. He is a tad precocious and a little too eager to leave the family and strike out on his own. Jesus thinks he is ready to do the work of the Father, but clearly he is not. This is a scene in stark contrast to an entirely different moment at the beginning of John’s Gospel, when the adult Jesus attending a wedding reception with his Mother, is not ready to perform a sign thus inaugurating his mission. In today’s Gospel, his Mother brings him home because he is not ready. She, like any mother, knows when her child needs to be corrected, put in his place and calmed down. In the Cana moment, she knows when it is time for her child to step up and take charge of his own life and follow the divine plan.
Each of us, in our care for our families – either directly or indirectly – need that time of prayerful discernment. St. Luke closes the scene here with this insight: “and his mother kept all these things in her heart. And Jesus advanced in wisdom and age and favor before God and man.”
It is the place of Jesus’ Mother, as with any parent, to prayerfully ponder in their hearts what is best for their children. This never ends. Even as our children become adults, we continue to support, pray for, and encourage their growth. The concern that our children are healthy, wise, and faithful members of society, that they are themselves good parents, is a moral imperative.
Parenting wasn’t easy in the first century, and it certainly isn’t easy in the 21st century. The challenges of modernity always impact the growth and development of individuals and from individuals grows society. Today we are concerned about screen time, unlimited access to all manner of things on the internet, the proliferation of opioid addiction, mental health issues, suicide and the debt that comes with student loans. Good and faithful parenting is a challenge, and every parent – if he or she is doing due diligence – should recognize the need to be a person of prayer instilling that faith in the next generation.
Joseph and Mary pursued Jesus as any concerned parent should and would. So often do we hear of children running away from home, seeking adventure elsewhere or attempting to flee what they deem a difficult situation.
We should turn to the Holy Family as a sign of hope in the face of struggle, and to seek the wisdom and guidance of Mary and Joseph who were gifted the awesome responsibility of parenting Jesus, the Son of God.
By prioritizing faith and prayer in our family life we can bring strength and hope to our families, and the courage to face a turbulent world.
Father Garry Koch is pastor of St. Benedict Parish, Holmdel.